Jim Turner - March 5, 2006
One of the best parts about operating a website such as this is the feedback we get from readers. It's an honour that people are moved enough by something you've written to take the time to write you.
That said, not all of the feedback is positive. This particular reader wasn't thrilled with the article "100 reasons to hate Derek Jeter" and challenged me to defend it.
You have laid down the gauntlet sir, and I happily accept. As per the parameters you have set out, I will also refrain from using profanity and spellcheck.
The email has not been changed, but I've jumped in from time to time.
From: Guiney, Kevin (kevin.guiney@ubs.com)
Ah. A subtle opening gambit.
Listen buddy, I don't have the time to go through every one of the false statements you put in your "100 reasons to hate Derek Jeter" but I just wanted to let you know that you are a bitter moron who knows absolutely nothing.
Date: February 27, 2006 10:35 AM
Subject: you are a complete moron
Why don't you do us all a favor and keep your mouth shut up there in Toronto and continue to violate yourself to the Joe Carter statue that is inevitably sitting in your living room.
Actually, I keep the Carter statue in the den. I have a relief of Garth Iorg and Rance Mulliniks in the living room.
In all seriousness though, he brings up a pretty good idea, and since he probably has them with all the regularity of a spastic colon patient on an all-cheese diet, we should probably take the time to address it.
We could use a good Joe Carter statue, just outside the Rogers Centre. It could be unveiled in 2013 to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the home run. Picture Joe doing his helmetless leap around the bases, about to be swarmed by teammates like White, Alomar and Molitor.
Now that'd be a statue worthy of violation.
You want to talk about overrated and overpaid doughboy?
The Pillsbury guy? How much does he make, anyway?
How about giving $11 million a year to a pitcher with a career 49-50 record?
How about giving $11.25 million a year to a pitcher with a career 64-68 record?
That's what the Yankees did when they signed Javier Vazquez. Also:
Jaret Wright - 3 years/$21 million: 52-45 record
Carl Pavano - 4 years/$39 million: 57-58
So there's no need to be jealous.
And if you care to put a little more thought into a pitcher's value, let's look at the ERAs of this group adjusted to home park and league average. 100 is league average and the higher the number, the better.
ERA+ Vazquez 105 Pavano 100 Wright 90 Burnett 110
Looks like the Jays are getting a little more bang for their buck.
Isn't learning fun?
Or giving another $9.5 million per year to guy who has been a closer for exactly one year?
Sure, but he also has five straight years of 60 games or more, over which time he's averaged less than a hit an inning, 11.1 Ks per 9 and an ERA+ of 126, so the flash in the pan argument has all the legs of Jason Giambi.
Wow, valuing players solely on won-lost records and saves. I've forwarded your email to 1982, in case they need a stats analyst.
Don't talk about overpaying Corky.
Alright, but Corky Miller has made almost $700,000 over the last two years, while hitting a robust 1 for 51. Though that's still better than you're doing so far.
Your team has become just as guilty as the rest of us after this past off season---and you're still not going to make the playoffs.
Let's test that theory, looking at the team payrolls of the last few years. I'll even spot you the last few bloated payrolls of the Gord Ash era. The numbers for 2006 are estimates.
Yankees Jays 2000 $92,538,260 $46,238,333 2001 $109,791,893 $75,798,500 2002 $125,928,583 $76,864,333 2003 $149,710,995 $51,279,000 2004 $182,835,513 $50,017,000 2005 $208,306,817 $45,719,500 2006 $195,000,000 $75,000,000My math is a little hasty here, but the Yankees still seem to be about $650 million MORE guilty than the Jays, and that's just since the turn of the century.
It IS refreshing that you admit some guilt about trying to buy the World Series every year.
As for your comments about Jeter's defense, you need to just swallow the barrel of a shotgun bro.
Now that seems a trifle harsh.
The guys has won the gold glove the past 2 years
That's almost English...
Yes, Derek Jeter has 2 Gold Gloves, a result of ARod moving to third, his faceplant catch being replayed to death, and the tendency of voters to pick the same guys every year.
Pete Vukovich has a Cy Young, Cuba Gooding has an Oscar and Adolf Hitler was Time Man of the Year. Just because someone wins something doesn't mean they deserved it.
and his range has actually gotten better over the past 2-3 years.
Note the use of the word actually - even the devoted Yankees fan can't believe that he's saying something positive about Jeter's range.
Trust somebody who's watched every Yankee game over the past 20 years buddy.
Every Yankees game for 20 years? I believe that's Dante's 4th level of hell.
So I have to ask, with all those grounders rolling up the middle, did you think the field was just tilted, or what?
I think I know our shortstop a little better than you do. So why don't you just pay attention to Russ Adams or whatever other loser you're planning on trotting out to short on Opening Day. I think you have enough of a problem there to warrant some concern---perhaps you should spend less time worrying about our shortstop and a little more time grooming one of the garbage ones you have.
Pop quiz baseball fans: Would you rather have: A) Derek Jeter B) Russ Adams and the $20 million dollars you're NOT paying Derek Jeter.
For $20 million, I can get Russ Adams, A.J. Burnett AND B.J. Ryan.
Do you even understand how bitter you sound with that list? Have you any clue? Its become very typical of low class organizations such as your Blue Jays or the Red Sox to criticize everything the Yankees and their players do. WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN TEAM!!!
I don't think I sounded anything close to THAT bitter. But thank you for defining irony.
Perhaps that is the reason that you havent won a World Series or even made the playoffs since '93. Like I said before, I don't have the time to waste on a non-entity like yourself
Yeah, you said that about 400 words ago. You seem to have more time than you think.
to go through all of the farces on your list,
I'm still waiting for you to put together a cogent argument against ONE of them.
but you are most certainly an uneducated moron.
That's your third moron so far. Maybe a thesaurus for Christmas? Or for St. Jeter's Day?
Hey, maybe this year you can finish abover 3rd for a change and actually make the playoffs for once.
I may be an uneducated moron, but I can assure you that I have never used the word "abover."
Do me a favor and continue to whip up on Boston like you normally do (the only thing the city of Toronto is any good for) because it makes life easier for us as we pound your team into submission to the tune of a 13-6 record like usual en route to a 9th straight AL East title.
You've done pretty well quoting the Yankees Handbook of Vapid Spring Training Dogma - standard issue to Yankees fans along with a free Don Mattingly glue-on moustache and a handsome dashboard Jeter - but you forgot to mention the number of World Championships. If there's one saving grace to Yankees success, it's that a lot of mouth-breathing New Yorkers have learned to count as high as 26.
Although I am not a fan of the WWF,
The World Wildlife Fund? What did the pandas ever do to you?
I leave you with a few words I once heard uttered by The Rock
I can only guess at the wisdom gleaned from repeated viewings of "Doom."
because they fit you perfectly: "Know your role and shut your mouth."
This may be the only person alive who needs footnotes to tell someone to shut up.
You're a Blue Jays fan bro---which makes you a loser by definition. Concentrate on your team before you start criticizing mine. You havent made the playoffs in over 10 years, you're not going this year, and you won't go again for a very long time. You think you guys made such an improvement this off-season---it doesn't matter Newton.
You're going home at the end of September. Luckily for you, that's just in time for hockey.
Hockey? This isn't about hockey... Oh wait, I get it. I'm Canadian and Canadians like hockey. That's brilliant. Lemme try one... Uh, YOU guys are going home at the end of September. Luckily for you, that's just in time to invade a Middle Eastern country without the oppressive summer heat endangering the ground forces.
Cultural stereotypes are fun...
Be sure to wipe your manhood off the statue of Joe Carter because I heard that its no good for marble.
Hmmm. Bit of a fixation with the statue debauchery. Is this a common thing in New York? Are the statues in Central Park being defiled on a regular basis? If so, NYPD, I may have found your man.
Feel free to write me back and try to defend yourself although I doubt you'll succeed.
I think your offense is the only defense I need, Kev.
Here's to another Yankees World Championshiop jerk.
I believe that should read FROM another Yankees World Championship Jerk (That'll learn ya to use commas properly).
This might be my favourite part of the email:
Please do not transmit orders or instructions regarding a UBS account by e-mail. The information provided in this e-mail or any attachments is not an official transaction confirmation or account statement. For your protection, do not include account numbers, Social Security numbers, credit card numbers, passwords or other non-public information in your e-mail. Because the information contained in this message may be privileged, confidential, proprietary or otherwise protected from disclosure, please notify us immediately by replying to this message and deleting it from your computer if you have received this communication in error. Thank you.
UBS Financial Services Inc.
UBS International Inc.
So I guess it's fair to say that not a lot of work is getting done at UBS at 10:30 on a Monday morning.
Thanks for the email Kevin.
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